The longing for community goes hand in hand with another longing.  It is one that I should have much more control over.  That is the longing to be doing more.  As I have said before, my mundane life and my spiritual life are so intertwined there is no recognizable difference between them, yet the one seems to get in the way of the other more times than I would like.

As of late, I have not done much towards advancing my spirituality other than reading a few books or discussing it with others.  When it comes to day to day practice, outside of the basic living by my set of beliefs, I have slacked off way too much.  What with starting the business and having the kids home all day for the summer, there is little time for anything besides work, chores, and baseball.

I was a bit taken back when I read the latest post over at Pagan Godspell  to realize that there was a holiday fast approaching (which was an incredibly sense-ual read by the way and it connected me more to that day than most anything I have read so far).  Even more surprising was realizing that I wasn’t even sure what date it was on.  I can’t remember the last time I was able to take the time to just sit and meditate or when I last held a ritual of any kind.  I think it was about a month ago or so, but I am not even sure of that. 

Being a stay at home mom, you would think that I’d have plenty of time to do all of these things.  It is amazing how little time there is, unless you count the amount of time wasted spent surfing the internet.  For me, I don’t feel like I can do much of anything while the kids are up and about.  I just can’t concentrate, so I only have the time after they go to bed for most things, but that means balancing that with time alone with Hubby.  Usually the spiritual aspects get the shaft.

From the time I started on this path, the holidays in particular have been difficult for me, or at least some of them.  The solstices, equinoxes and “big” holidays like Halloween are fine as I can see a direct connection to them in my life and it is very easy to explain to the kids what the day represents.  The other holidays, the ones that seem to fit more in another era, one where life was less complicated and we lived closer to the earth, ones that have a mythology that I cannot relate to, are harder for me to connect to and find meaning in.  That and I find it excruciating to try to celebrate something I can’t even pronounce.

It is something I have pondered along the way, trying to find that connection so that those days hold some importance to me.  I am beginning to wonder, though, if I really need to do that.  Do I try to force a connection to something where there really isn’t one just because it is a day of importance to others on this path, or do I find other things, dates, that already have significance for me and incorporate them into my practice?  Dates that still mark the turning of the wheel and celebrate the continued growth of my self and family. 

A day, like the first day of school, that celebrates the achievement of my kids and my coming freedom.  That is one I could really get into.  I even think it should be a national holiday, at least for the parents that is.

Living the life of a Pagan is a balancing act.  Trying to find the time to do all the things that feed your soul as well as your body and your emotions is a daunting task.  I think I will mark the start of school this year with a renewed promise to myself to do and find more to feed my soul.