Not Much to Say

Things have been incredibly quiet around here, mostly because I just haven’t found that I’ve had very much to say.  I’ve been in a state of extreme laziness with the exception of preparing for the party we had on Halloween.  The only thing I’ve been motivated to do beyond the daily necessities is to waste enormous amounts of time playing a stupid game.

I did scrounge up the energy to participate in an online ritual with my sisters by choice.  It was by far one of the most emotional rituals I’ve ever been a part of, either alone or with others.  I nearly canceled because I was so worn out from the party and preparations for it, that I didn’t think I’d have the energy to join in.  Thankfully, the Universe decided that I wasn’t going to be allowed to make excuses to avoid doing what I needed the most.

It seems as though the Universe isn’t quite done with shoving me in the direction She wants me to go.  I’ve been getting some pretty heavy duty shoves towards getting off my lazy butt and getting creative, especially with creating things for the shop.  It is a good thing, too.  Being lazy was starting to get really boring.

Beautiful Nastiness

It is one of those days that is nasty and dreary and stormy.  The kind of day where you just want to curl up with a book or take a nap.  It isn’t quite conducive to that though as we are also getting some really awesome thunderstorms.  Thankfully nothing severe this go round, but they are just incredible.

I love storms.  The severe stuff that produces high winds and tornadoes, I’m not particularly fond of being in the middle of, but I love to watch them.  My favorite is a good thunderstorm that has lots of energy in it.  The kind that is full of lightning.  Both cloud to cloud and cloud to ground.  I especially love the really dramatic and spiky kinds that leave an imprint on your eyelids long after they are over.  I love it when the huge clap of thunder follows in its wake and shakes the house so you feel it roll through you all the way up from your feet.

If you are lucky enough to get to watch one come in during the day, you get such an awesome display of whirling, riotous clouds.  The contrast between the sky where the storm is dark and the areas where it hasn’t touched yet can be breath taking.  I once had the chance to see a glorious storm on one side of me, filled with bolts of lightening and earth shaking thunder while on the other side was a beautiful, deep, clear blue sky.

I think I’d be a storm chaser if it weren’t for having kids.  Maybe that is what I’ll do when I’m older and retired.  I can see me now.  Gray haired and surrounded by bins full of beads with a weather radio going in the background.  Jumping as fast as my lazy old body can go when there is an alert.  Hubby hobbling alongside me.  Camera in hand and super cell in sight.  What better way to be in the middle of all that is Nature’s glory?

Ah, well.  Maybe one day.  I’m not quite ready to be gray haired and hobble-y.

Taming the Fear

In less than 24 hours I will take steps to walk head on into one of my bigger fears.  Flying.

It is really very interesting to look at all that has happened in the last several weeks.  Most have been great opportunities for me to grab on to that fear and hold it for dear life.  All could have been used as legitimate excuses for canceling this trip.

First are the couple of tests I’ve had to undergo for health reasons, one as recent as Tuesday.  The reason behind needing those tests are enough to make me question my resolve.  Then there are the endless rounds of colds and ickies that we just keep passing around and around here at the Fox house.  Now this scare going around with the Swine flu.  Yes there are cases in the area I’m going, but there are now cases here.

All of these things I could have clung to and said, “No, I really don’t think now is a good time” and bowed out of this trip, choosing to stay in my safe little cocoon.  All presenting me with the choice to once again walk away from what I want allowing fear to rule or to step into it and embrace it.  I have chosen to embrace it every time.

Am I still afraid?  Hell yes!  I’m just not going to let it chain me to a life of living inside my house and missing out on so much.

Now, I only hope that my Dramamine works as well as my determination.

Absent

I feel as though I have been a bit absent lately.  Here, obviously.  I haven’t posted since the beginning of the month.  Not just here, but in other areas as well.

Part of that, I’m sure, is because I’ve been busy with other things, but if I look back I have to wonder what things have been so big and important as to take up all of my time.  Not much really.  Oh, I’ve been busy with the Lodge and messing with FB.  All the typical things that tend to eat away at my time (not that I complain too much).

I’ve also been busy taking care of daily life.  Kids, home, self.  All of that made even more time consuming by the fact that it seems that everyone keeps passing the same thing around and there is always someone sick.  Including me.  I did manage to finally kick that stupid cough that  had been hanging around since early February.

There have also been a few other health issues crop up for me.  Nothing life threatening, just inconvenient and difficult to live with.  I’m actually going in for some testing tomorrow.  Really not looking forward to that, but I know it needs to be done.  It doesn’t help that I’m a giant wuss when it comes to anything like that, so I’m sure I’m stressing and acting somewhat like a baby in all of this.

I’m also down to just a few days before I get to head out of town and spend the weekend with one of my favorite ladies ever.  Between now and then I have to find the nerve to step on to the plane that will take me there.  Maybe I can talk to the doc tomorrow and see if they can sedate me for the trip as well as the tests.  No?  Ah, well.  Dramamine will have to do.  I WILL be getting on that plane.

Excitement and Fears

In a few short weeks, I will be confronting one of my biggest fears.  Flying.  I know it may seem a bit silly to some, but it really is something that freaks me out a bit.  Not only does the entire concept weird me out, but it makes me physically ill.  I get terrible motion sickness, something that has gotten worse the older I get.

So why, if I despise flying so much, would I voluntarily get on a plane?  What brand of insanity has taken over the basic functions of my brain?  I get the chance to spend the weekend with one of my best friends.  Funny how I can say that and know that I’ve never met her in person before, yet it still be so completely true.  My husband and I will be flying out for a short weekend visit.  It isn’t nearly as long of a visit as I’d like, but that is all the time we have available right now.

I am incredibly excited about this trip.  It is something I have wanted to do for a long time now, but I just haven’t been able to convince myself to actually do it.  It hasn’t helped that my husband, being the total shit that he is, tends to like to tease me about it with comments like “You know that if the plane crashes, our kids will lose both their parents at once, don’t you?”  I know he isn’t being mean and it is his way of trying to laugh off his own dislike for flying, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

This fear is something I no longer care to live with.  It prevents me from doing many of the things that I’d really enjoy.  Taking this trip is one step in overcoming that fear.  Plus, I get to meet a fantastic and amazing lady in person!  What is not to love about that?

Catching Up

Wow!  I hadn’t thought it had been that long since I posted here last, but time seems to have once again slipped by faster than I realized.

Things have been all over the map here lately.  I still haven’t managed to kick this cough.  It has been lingering for almost 2 months now and I have gone through a huge range of medications to try and get it to leave, all rather unsuccessful.  One being a cough suppressant that has codeine in it that tends to knock me out or make me too tired to do much.  I have managed to lessen the coughing so I don’t have to take nearly as much and I’m actually able to get some things done.

I even managed to get a few new pendulums put together, but haven’t gotten around to getting them listed yet.  Hopefully I will get to that this week along with getting a few other things put together.

Between working and zoning out, I have also managed to figure out Facebook well enough, even with the recent changes they have made.  I found out that I can also create a page for my shop site which was a very exciting find.  It gives me a dedicated spot to be able to post about any new products or updates to the site, including sales.  As small as Shades is, it may not be that big of a deal in the long run, but I’m still pretty excited about it.  If anyone is on Facebook and is interested in becoming a fan of the page to receive updates and notices, the link is http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/Shades-of-Midnight/79554044273?ref=nf.

We’ve had some insane weather here recently, going from spring to dead of winter overnight and then right back again.  It has been frustrating and managed to interfere with anniversary plans my husband and I had, but I did manage to get some really interesting photos of my hyacinths blooming while surrounded by snow.  I’m hoping to get some of those posted this week.  I am also hoping that it will just be spring already.  I’m tired of being cold.

In the Grip of Spring

Spring is finally taking hold, at least inside if not yet out.  I have had more energy and motivation these last couple of weeks than I think I’ve had all winter.

It hasn’t just been the weather that has kept me in a state of inactivity.  I have been fighting a cold that just doesn’t know it is no longer welcome.  It has finally started to get better, but is nowhere near gone yet.  That is okay.  The fact that I can get up and walk across the room without being thrown into a coughing fit bad enough to threaten the well being of my rib cage is a huge step in the right direction.

It is still wanting to dip into the much colder temperatures around here, but each day those colder temperatures get a bit warmer.  We even have a few flowers coming out that are strong enough and brave enough to battle the frost.  I am just hoping we do not get below freezing again.  I have no desire to lose any more trees this year.

There are quite a few things that have me itching to get some work done.  I have lots of ideas and plans in mind, it is just getting around to getting started on them.  That is hard to do when your mind is off doing cartwheels and getting all crazy-bouncy-excited about upcoming mini-vacations.

All in all, I’d have to say that life is beautiful right now.  Even between those annoying coughs.

Passing it Along

A friend of mine shared this video with me.  It is just so beautiful, I can’t help but pass it along.  Have a tissue handy, you may need it.

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce

Removing a Limb Would be Less Painful

My server went down this morning. So, not only is my Shades site down, but so is the Lodge.  It is pure torture.

I do understand the situation that brought the server down (a lost air conditioning unit) and the need for it to stay down for a while.  It is still incredibly frustrating, especially after a couple of weeks of spotty outages because of server loads.  That is one of the biggest downsides to a shared hosting environment.  Unfortunately, a private server is insanely expensive.

I’m sure this period of disconnect from many of the things I hold dear will serve me well and that it won’t be long lived (hopefully), but it is no less painful knowing that.  I was so looking forward to getting online and chatting with the ladies this morning.  *sigh*  Maybe I should have just slept in.

I think the times I’ve lost my internet connection all together have been easier to handle simply because I couldn’t get anywhere.  Since it is just my sites I can’t access, it is like having your favorite candy dangled in front of your face, close enough you can smell the sweetness, but you are not allowed to have it.  It is absolutely cruel.

I guess in the mean time, I’ll go haunt a few other sites, maybe get some things done around the house that I’ve been procrastinating on, or I may just sit an whine and pout while endlessly checking to see if my sites have been revived.

No matter what it is I decide, it is going to be one long and boring morning.

*ETA: BlueHost is awesome!  The downtime didn’t last nearly as long as they predicted!  Everything is already back up and running.

Endings and Beginnings

I am beginning to find that I am writing more and more for myself as of late.  I do not see that as a bad thing at all, especially when you consider that is pretty much the reason why this blog exists to begin with.  Since starting this blog, I’ve seen many fellow bloggers and friends come and go, so seeing two different friends closing their blogs shouldn’t come as a shock.  It is sad and I will miss them both, but I also understand their reasons for doing so and I wish them both the very best.

Today is then much like many other days and is one of endings and new beginnings.  As I say farewell to a couple of friends, I welcome in this new surge of creative energy.  I have a lot of things that are in the works and ideas that are stewing around waiting to be either brought into reality or dropped for something that fits a bit better.

One of the things that is in the works is introducing another new product over at Shades.  This line doesn’t quite fit in with all the other things that I have, but I’m listing it as a favor to my mom.  She is carrying on a family tradition of making these luscious flannel baby blankets.  In my family, they are called Grandma Blankets.  The style can be done in pretty much any size, but what she has done right now are just the baby/toddler sizes.  I’m hoping to have them all up and listed in the next several weeks.

There are a couple of other new products that I’m researching at the moment.  Those all hinge on whether or not I can find a supply source that is reasonably priced, though.  That is always one of my biggest issues with anything that I’d like to add, finding a source that doesn’t force me to put such a high price on the things I’d like to list.

For today though, I have some rather boring things to take care of (like laundry and running errands), but I will do it in relative peace and quiet.  Today is the first day that Hubby and the kids are back to work and school after a long holiday break.

It is such a peaceful morning.  Sitting here listening to the hum of the furnace and watching the clouds pass across the low hanging, hazy sun.  I will only have a few more hours of this before the tranquility is broken and my youngest is home.  Until then, I will sit in the silence with my coffee and enjoy this gift.